I love my husband. He is so great in pretty much every area of our relationship, he helps me clean and cook, he is giving, and is very good in bed. He tries very hard to keep me happy and I appreciate all he does for me. He has a few attributes that annoy me, for instance he is not very responsible with money. Sure, we have our issues, but for the most part, his good traits outweigh the bad and I want to keep our marriage alive.
However, I’m finding it hard to be attracted to him enough to initiate sex. He has put on a few pounds and it’s very hard for me to keep my eyes open (I know, this is horrible :(…). He was in great shape before and it changed his whole mentality, made him more confident and in turn made me want him more.
My question is, how do I hint for him to try and lose the extra lbs? I’ve tried hinting things like joining me on a walk and he just doesn’t ever want to. We have had gym passes/tried diet and exercise programs and he ends up losing the ambition. What can I do or say as his wife? I don’t want to hurt his feelings or sound like I am criticizing him. I sometimes fantasize about other men to keep me excited, and it worries me. Has this ever happened to any women out there?
Tell him exercise is sexy and start having sex with him when he does exercise!
How about exercising in the nude? I bet that would help.
July 25th, 2009 at 7:29 am
Try telling him you want to loose some weight but need his help. Get him moving to help you.
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:29 am
Tell him!
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:31 am
It happened to a friend of mine. Thankfully her husband felt bad about he looked and made efforts to lose weight and now looks better then he did when she met him.
Anyway, when you cook can you make it a point to cook healthy meals? And maybe stop buying snacks and junk for in the house. It would be hurtful and mean of you to say something to him about it. How would you feel if he told you that he didn’t find you attractive any longer? Keep yourself healthy and be supportive when he makes efforts. Continue to invite him on walks and comment on how nice it is when he does join you.
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:33 am
I ran into this too…and what worked was to change the contents of the refrigerator and the pantry. I bought smaller plates! and engaged him in conversation during meals to keep the fork out of his mouth. A lot of overeating is due to stress…so a calming meal atmosphere works for both of you. Read food labels and serve a LOT of low calorie foods…heavy on the veggies and light on the starches and fats.Talk won’t work. Good luck and God Bless!
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:33 am
Why can’t you just tell him that you want to see him in his old shape and that he is getting heavier. You could also say you are afraid that very soon he would be facing health-related and suggest you two go to the gym together. It would be fun
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:33 am
Only a few pounds sufficed for you to be wanting other men? shameful. He’s still the man you married, you still should be attracted to his mind and personality. How would you want him to handle this if the roles were reversed? You should be worried about his health first. That’s what really matters. How much weight are we talking about? if he’s gained 10-15 lbs leave him alone. If he’s gained 50 lbs then play the health card.
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Wow…you have so many other things you love about him I would almost be able to pass on the whole he’s gained a few pounds :)! So continue getting fit or exercising…if he doesn’t join you then he doesn’t join. What might help is if you praise him for the things you do love about him….like, "thank you so much for helping me cook….it makes it so much easier on me". Suggest when you go for a walk that it could be "your time together" to talk. That’s what my Husband and I do; it’s our time together during our walking time. If you are fantasizing about other men, you do have a problem and if you can’t stop that behavior you will have to come out and directly tell your Husband the problem and see if he can help come up with solutions to work on things. You did marry him for better or worse though. Lol! Good luck.
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Your situation is exactly like mine but the key to a good relationship is to be honest. I had to just tell my husband the way I felt an because he wanted to keep our marriage alive and keep me happy, he is now on a diet. I reassured him that I do love him regardless and that I would never leave him for something like that but I wasn’thappy with the way he stop caring about his appearance and now we work out together and I cook foods that is good for the whole family, not just him to keep the temptations away.
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:36 am
yes dear its very possible u nid to cum to an open talk wth him,tel him wat u thnk abt his body changn,but b4 that he might thnk u dnt luv him for who he is,make a strategy b4 any move..find a wae u knw him better than any1 else.
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:36 am
It is not that you aren’t attracted to him, it’s the extra pounds that is turning you off. That is so sick for you to let that one little thing get in your way of loving him for the person who he is. That never changes no matter how much weight a person puts on or takes off, the beauty stays the same. The only beauty you see is skin deep. If it’s not a perfect picture you don’t want it. Do him and yourself a favor, tell him how you feel so you can set him free to be loved for who he is, not how he looks. For some reason I have the feeling that once the heavy weight of a wedding ring is gone from his finger he will be out there getting back into shape. There is something poisonous about what kind of ring you gave him. Time to let him know so he can be set free.
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:36 am
My bf has already told me that I should keep my figure. He can’t stand weight gains…;-PLOOOOL
Tell your husband to lose weigh…go for walks…eat healthy…go jogging together;-)
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:38 am
try cooking healthy foods. don’t eat out at restaurants. let him know that you are concerned that he may start having health problems if he keeps gaining weight.Maybe he will start walking with you.But you need to think also that if you ever gain weight he will still love you no matter what.He may lose weight in the future.
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:39 am
Obviously you love your husband but the attribute of an obese husband turns you off because sex just might be the issue here. You are not having the usual excitement in sex because of this that’s why you have to fantazise to get some of it. Get him to realize this by being honest and telling him like it is. That he is much better, attractive and you are more excited having sex if he did some trimming. Tell him this preference and if he understands this, he should do something about it just like he does when he satisfies you in bed. Also, note his reactions for telling it straight. If he does react in a way negatively, then tell him it will not only affect his performance but also his health. If all else fails, I guess you have to accept this in the meantime, hoping he comes to realize it sometime. The important thing is you have expressed it clearly for him to think it over probably. Good luck and I hope you don’t cheat if you don’t get the results you need in sex.
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July 25th, 2009 at 7:57 am
There is two way
1. the best way is you say him frankly that i love you so much my dear i think if you lose extra Ibs its better for your health plus you get more attractive because your last shape was great but if you think frankness will hurt him the other way is
2. try to tell him between your words when you are joking . for example tell him hey if you dont want to lose me lose your extra ibs
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July 25th, 2009 at 8:26 am
My wife and I are in the same shape/at the same weight we were at when we met at 26 over 20 years ago.
This is what I told my wife before we got married.
It is possible to keep the "passion" burning for a long, long time in marriage. The notion that marriage is about friendship is true - however it is only half true. In a great marriage the physical love, the desire lasts and lasts. For that to happen many things need to occur. And one of those is that both husband and wife need to show respect for each other by taking care of their bodies by eating healthy and exercising.
When people say marriage takes "work" this is a perfect example. The effort that goes into staying fit is rewarded in many ways including a more intense, more passionate sex life.
I want to maintain that intense physical desire I felt for you the first time we met, and need your help.
So I want us to both commit to staying in shape and when one of us asks the other to exercise the loving answer, the committed answer will be "YES". And if we need to cut some foods out from the frig/pantry because they are getting in the way of fitness - we will do that to.
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July 25th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Hmm have you ever thought maybe you can change. My wife’s shape changed mostly through the rigors of childbirth and child rearing. She is the same woman I married. I adjust. I still enjoy our Intimate times. I know I have physically changed in the 24 years we have been married. She still seems happy with me and shows no interest in trading me in for a newer model.
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July 25th, 2009 at 9:52 am
And I bet YOU look just like Angelina Jolie, right?
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July 25th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Tell him exercise is sexy and start having sex with him when he does exercise!
How about exercising in the nude? I bet that would help.
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July 25th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
just be honest, tell him to his face, I’m sure he can take it, and he should,
some men can’t simply do things unless they feel it worth it, so make it worth it for him to go and lose weight, tell him that you want him to and that it means a lot for your, tell him that you feel that he is not as attractive as he was few months ago and he need to lose weight to gain the attraction he lost, if he loves you enough then this should be enough to make him get up and do some tough work for you.
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July 25th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Fat is unattractive and many relationships are nothing without that attractiveness. now just what to do dep[ends on a few other factors as well. I would offer my opinion but it is not worthy of consideration….its bad baby boo bad wink
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