There was this man who was drastically overweight, at about 450 pounds. He tried everything in the way of diets, from Jenny Craig, to Atkins, to plain old "putting the fork down once in a while".
He talked to one of his friends regarding what he should do. He told him to start exercising, The thing of the matter was that he hated exercising. He recommended that he try the Runner's Program For Men. He told him that you were guaranteed to ose weight in just a matter of days, and that everyone in the program participated regularly, even those who hated to exercise.
He signed up the next day, stating that his goal was to lose 200 pounds, and they offered him three different packages:
25 pounds in one week
75 pounds in one week
100 pounds in one week
He didn't know what to expect, so he decided to go with the 25 pound program. They told him his personal trainer would be there in the morning at 7:30.
The next morning, he heard a knock at his door. There was an attractive, athletic woman standing in front of him. The woman was wearing only a pair of Nike's and a sign that read:
"If you can catch me, you can have me."
She immediately took off and he immediately chased after. He chased her through town all day, and after five hours, he caught her and then he had his way with her.
This happened every day for a week, and sure enough, he lost 25 pounds. He liked it so much, he decided to upgrade to the 75 pound package.
The next day an even more beautiful and athletic woman showed up, wearing only a pair of Adidas sneakers and wearing a sign that read:
"If you can catch me, you can have me."
And just like before, he ran after her, chasing her through town for ten hours until he finally caught her and made his way with her. This continued all week, and he lost 75 pounds at the end of it.
The next day he walked into the clinic and told them that he wanted to go for the gold and take the 100 pound program. The attended asked him if he was sure, because this would be his most rigorous and challenging program yet. Nevertheless, he was sure, and he signed up.
The next day, however, Richard Simmons showed up, wearing a pair of Reebok sneakers and a sign that said:
"IF I CAN CATCH YOU, I CAN HAVE YOU."
Rate this, if you like it, I'll post more.
Please mail this to somebody, I want to make as many people as possible laugh at this.
10 out of 10. Soo funny!! You made my day! I laughed sooo hard. Please do more!!!
April 15th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Ha ha ha ha, totally excellent, this has made my day, 10/10, lol…!
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April 15th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
OMG ROFLMAO 10.
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April 15th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
10/10
this was funny =]
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April 15th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
10 out of 10. Soo funny!! You made my day! I laughed sooo hard. Please do more!!!
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April 15th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
DOH!!!!!!!!!
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April 15th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
lmfaoo. so funny
10/10 = ]
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April 15th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
ha ha that was pretty funny i give it 10/10
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April 15th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
dude, this is soo jokes! =]
post more, man. pleaaase.
10/10.
here is another version of it:
Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, etc. and none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he noticed a small ad that read, "Lose weight $1.00 a pound." And it simply listed a telephone number.
Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on the other end asked, "how much weight do you want to lose?"
To which the man responded, "ten pounds."
The voice replied, "very well, put you check in the mail and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
About 9:00 A.M. the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, "if you catch me you can screw me".
Well the overweight fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally he did catch her and when he was through enjoying himself, she said, "quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself!" He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce!
That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end asked, "how much weight do you want to lose?"
To which the somewhat less overweight man replied, "twenty pounds".
"Very well", the voice on the phone told him, "put your check in the mail and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
At about 8:00 A.M. the next morning the man receives a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "if you catch me you can screw me". The chase took awhile longer this time but the man finally did catch her.
When he was through she told him, "quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself!" He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds!
"This is fantastic!" He thought to himself.
Later that evening he called the number again and the voice at the other end asked,
"how much weight do you want to lose?"
"Fifty pounds!" The man exclaimed.
"Fifty pounds?" The voice asked. "That's an awful lot of weight to lose at one time."
The overweight man replied, "my check's already in the mail. You just have your representative over here in the morning." Then he hung up the phone.
About 6:00 A.M. the next morning the man gets out of bed and gets all fancied up, ready for the next representative. At about 7:00 A.M. he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees this large gorilla with a sign around his neck stating, "If I catch you I'm going to screw you."
=]
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April 15th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
haha that was funny!
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April 16th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
ROFLLLLLLLLL!!!
I snorted reading that.
The look from my parents wasn't normal.
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